Why Starting Therapy Can Be So Intimidating

What do you mean I’m supposed to talk to a STRANGER?! And tell them my deep dark secrets?! I barely even share that to the people I actually know!

I get why starting therapy can be overwhelming and intimidating. It’s hard enough to talk to people you actually know, so why would you want to talk to someone you don’t know?

But actually, talking to someone outside of your circle can be liberating and refreshing. Here’s why:

1. A therapist has no idea who your family or friends are or what your life is like. You could talk about your life and the people in your life, and what is said in the room, stays in the room. There are no prejudgments or expectations and there shouldn’t be! Your therapist also has no preconceived notions of you because they have yet to discover who you are. So feel free to spill your guts!
2. You don’t need to impress your therapist. Your therapist does not care if you wear your best outfit or sweats. You could be at your worst or the messiest version of yourself, and your therapist will still hold space for you to just be you.
3. Your therapist is there for YOU. Just you. Whatever you need. It’s literally what you’re paying them for.
4. In a private practice setting, 99.9% guaranteed that you are not your therapist’s most difficult client. Trust me. (And if you’re thinking that you’re the 0.1%, then it’s DEFINITELY not you. The difficult ones would never acknowledge that they are difficult.)
5. You really don’t have to tell them your deepest darkest secrets if you don’t want to. You also don’t have to do it in the first session if you aren’t ready. Every relationship, including the therapeutic one, should be built. It’s a process, and it takes some time.
6. If you don’t like your therapist, find a different one! If you are finding that your therapist is not working for you, you never have to talk to them again. Breaking up with a therapist is not like a dating relationship where you still have to see your ex on occasion and it’s awkward. You have zero obligation or responsibility to continue talking to that person, and there are no ramifications (as long as you tell them that you no longer want to see them so you don’t get charged a no-show fee if an appointment has already been made). Note: this does not mean that your therapist will not sometimes tell you something difficult to hear or that you should bounce around until you find someone who tells you only the things you want to hear, but finding the right FIT is important.

Anyway, in a therapy session, you have all the power to dictate whether you want to stay or go and what you want to say or don’t say. You can also tell your therapist how you’re feeling and address your concerns or anxieties with them during session. It’s crazy to think that you can tell someone all these things right off the bat, but here’s the craziest thing of all, it works. When you find YOUR therapist, someone who you actually like talking to, someone who understands you and will listen to you, someone who really gets you… it works.